Living with Eyes: hope

Showing posts with label hope. Show all posts

Monday, August 20, 2012

Discovered

So I haven't written in a very long time again. This blog has become a reminder of how I've treated every journal I've ever had... With little use. Life is busy as usual. I worked at the school this morning and made use of my night off from the salon by doing nothing but thinking. The air here has been speaking of fall. I now lay here know on a recycled couch listening to Youth Lagoon's "Year of the Hibernation" on vinyl while typing this blog on my phone. This record is absolutely amazing. I recommend listening to a song from the album as you finish reading. I'll make it easy for you... hit play:

This record is really inspiring and guiding my thoughts right now. In this moment, life seems so simple and incredible. I've rarely felt what I feel in this moment. I know this post is so atypical to my others, but I like how organic it feels to be writing exactly what I think.

Life is, no doubt, challenging, confusing, and far from perfect in my eyes right now... I have concerns (or maybe better described as fears) that I won't be able to find an environment, lifestyle, and relationships that brings me peace, happiness and contentment somewhat consistently. I often feel alone in my thoughts and alone in my life but I realized something in this solitude... At the school, the culture teaches students that there is no such thing as a mistake... That instead, we can only make discoveries. And we are better for making them because of the growth we experience. Discovery... It's such an awesome concept. Even the word itself seems so beautiful to me. And then it hit me, life is discovery, but it seems so horrible sometimes because we have so many regrets about mistakes we've made and anxieties of ones we might make. My goal is to move forward with gratitude for the discoveries I've made and while striving for peace and happiness, not living with so much fear of making a "mistake". I just want to try to live with more contentment in a life overfilling with content.
I feel like I am becoming more of the person I knew I was. I feel like I'm finally freeing myself from the bondage of distraction, fear, and insecurity and just living. I've needed this time to think and be alone.
I feel excited about life right now... I feel reborn... I feel discovered.

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Leaving the Past for a Better Future

Wow, so this has been a long time coming. Two full-time jobs sometimes leaves little time for inspiration and writing. Maybe once I acquire a laptop I can be more regular with my posts, so I apologize for my inconsistency.

Enough excuses though... the past couple months have been full of self-discovery and confusion; sometimes being busy has it's perks, sometimes it's an accomplice for ignorance. I haven't really had many opportunities to think of what is going on inside of me, what's best for me, or what I should be doing. But over the past couple weeks, I've tried to make room for internal focus and, in doing so, I think I realized that there were some things I hadn't gotten over from my past. There were grudges held, pains unhealed, and people unforgiven. Consequently, emotional reconstruction becomes my blueprint, and there is a lot of work to be done.

So without being dramatic or overly descriptive, the most damaging event in my life this far has been my divorce. Divorce is such an unexpected, horrible, painful thing for anyone to experience, and I empathize with anyone who has had the misfortune of it. But wow, that gets depressing fast so ... I read a quote this morning shared by a Photographer out of Salt Lake City, named Dave Brewer; "May the bridges that have been burned light the way." I found the quote really insightful... There are so many things you can't undo or go back on, but it seems we tend to dwell on those things to the point of letting them hold us back when we really should let those things be a lesson learned in moving a better direction.

Entertaining this idea first made me feel very lonely and hopeless. When it comes to things like love, it's hard to believe there is possibility of it again, however I know that is my misconception. I believe it was destiny that led me to a music video that not only entertains this idea, but seems like something that could have been written by my soul during the hardest point of my divorce... however, it was written by Mike Skinner of British Rap group The Streets. This man is a poet, and I feel that some of his emotions and experiences mirror mine. As wussy as it might sound, I cried for hours after I heard this song but I grew greatly from it's message and I still get an amazing emotional relief even when I see this still.

Besides making me really want a dog, the video alone, without the music, helped me realize there is an great amount of growth to be made during these lonely stages of life. I've seen this firsthand during the times when I'm riding my bike, on a walk, or even lying awake in bed. I think I've realized how important it is to think about your trials and how they have effected you, and then to grow from them and move on, instead of just ignoring them or becoming preoccupied. So that's where I am, and my new goal is to search for the inspiration more regularly, rather than being too busy for it. How hypocritical could I be to my Blog title "Living with Eyes" if I didn't alter my behavior? So cross your fingers for more posts to come... and I know I don't have a lot of readers, which is nice, but know that those of you who are all a great support and inspiration to me. I love, appreciate, and look up to all of you and your concern and love mean the world to me. Thank you.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

LOVE

So, my original post was meant to be written last week, but the music video I wanted to put up was erased from the entire internet for some reason. It was a live video of Portugal. The Man playing "All Your Light" in Germany. I had a good idea of what I wanted to write, but without the video, it was not near as powerful and clear. If you dare, beg them to put the video back online... it's amazing, and I am having withdrawals without it.

So, without that, my mind has been overwhelmed with a HEAVY, HEAVY topic... LOVE. It's such a hard thing to understand, and I think it is different for each person. Being divorced has made me really confused on how it all works, what it involves, how to nurture it properly, and how to feel it again. I have heard a lot of divorced people feel like they will never find it again, and I can relate. It's a scary thought, and deep down, I know it's not true, but it's hard to kick out the negative thoughts. Honestly, I really don't want to get too deep into it, but the idea of love makes me excited to live. It's definitely a driving force to living a beautiful life. I think most people agree. One of my favorite films "Into the Wild"(based on a true story) portrays college graduate who leaves civilization, burns his money and identification, and abandons his car to leave a corrupt, shallow society, as he views it. He finds beauty in the peace that comes from living off the land, and being completely independent and free from the system. But at his more desperate state, he carves into a piece of wood the following: "HAPPINESS IS NOT REAL UNLESS SHARED." I think this is a profound, perfect statement. If you haven't seen the movie, I HIGHLY recommend it, and if not that, read the book. It definitely makes you see the world in a different light.

Anyways, I feel like this post is a little off beat from my past two, but what I really wanted to share in this post is a video that was shared with me. When I saw it the first time, I nearly cried. To me, this is love. And I love what they have done in this video to evoke such a strong, beautiful connection. This is what I want. This is the love that I am committed to one day creating. (I couldn't attatch the video so please click the link, make it full screen, turn up your volume, and enjoy)

Go Do by IRIS AND LIGHT

The cool thing about these videos is that they are actual couples' engagement videos. SUCH AN AWESOME IDEA! Way better than a few photos. You are committing to love a person for the rest of your life, why not make it insanely artistic media piece that reminds you of how awesome you are for each other. THIS IS TRUE BEAUTY.

Friday, February 24, 2012

Las Vegas.

The past week has been a fast-paced, exciting week. Last weekend, I visited SLC, Utah to a few things for the salon at IKEA, and just to get away from Rexburg and spend some time with friends. It was a good trip, and it was nice to eat at some different restaurants and experience a little more culture than Rexburg is use to offering. We were also able to vist the Lunatic Fringe salon on 11th while we were there to get a tour and visit with platform artist, Dave Holland. It was my first introduction to him, and I was very impressed by his humility and kindness... he is definitely a new mentor in my eyes.

Upon returning from Utah Sunday evening, I did some laundry and packed up to head to the airport Monday, arriving at 2pm. I arrived in Las Vegas that evening for Paul Mitchell's annual CAPER and just returned home this morning. The event was full of high energy as expected, I met some amazing people, and was inspired to the fullest. I was even able to spend some time in the sun and sightsee a little. We stayed in Caesar's Palace, which is a beautiful hotel. I am amazed by the thought put into the designs, architecture, and art in Las Vegas.

The past few times that I have visited, I had left with a kind of sorrow for some of the negative aspects of that city. I remember catching a few glimpses of people stumbling home from nightclubs, the homeless begging for money, the exploitation and disrespect of sexuality, and all of the artificiality of the ideals of a "Sin City" that "never sleeps" and its contentment and dependency in temporary relief, instant gratification, and an animalistic desire for constant pleasure. I saw those things this trip, but I think I saw past it and was able to focus in on some of the beauty of a broken city. There is a romance to all of the lights, and to the hopes and dreams that people have for something more in their lives. There is a lot of opportunity in that city, and I think people come there to take advantage of it.

Brandon Flowers released an album that I think captures the intrigue and beauty of this complicated city. The album is titled, "Flamingo"... If you don't know what I mean, visit his website at http://www.brandonflowersmusic.com/index. But truly I think this music video reflects this spirit:

The whole album is portrays the more

positive, but complex, spirit of Las Vegas and the hope and dreams contained within it. I almost feel as if the attitude it portrays is a kind of sad, desperate, confused, lost, but hopeful perspective. I definitely see a great deal of beauty in the idea of searching for happiness. I think that is what it is that makes a sad situation still beautiful... because there is still hope.

Beyond the new appreciation and perspective I have gained on this city from this trip, I have greatly been influenced and inspired in my trade. One of the most influential presentations I saw was that of Robert Lobetta, who calls himself the lunatic of Hair. He has turned hairdressing into film, contemporary art, and something so much more than cosmetology alone. To put it bluntly, he has taken what he loves and done whatever the hell he wants to with it. Please, if you haven't heard of him, look him up or his video titled "Fallen" on youtube. Such an inspiring man. I have run into a new obsession inspired by this man which I think will be the topic of my next post, so be sure to check it out.

I feel so good right now about this blog. It already has fed a thirst that I think has been burning inside of me. I needed to communicate these things, and sort them out in my head enough to write them. And I am loving having the opportunity of sharing them. I think I know what to make with this blog now, and I am excited.