Thursday, June 21, 2012
Leaving the Past for a Better Future
Wow, so this has been a long time coming. Two full-time jobs sometimes leaves little time for inspiration and writing. Maybe once I acquire a laptop I can be more regular with my posts, so I apologize for my inconsistency.
Enough excuses though... the past couple months have been full of self-discovery and confusion; sometimes being busy has it's perks, sometimes it's an accomplice for ignorance. I haven't really had many opportunities to think of what is going on inside of me, what's best for me, or what I should be doing. But over the past couple weeks, I've tried to make room for internal focus and, in doing so, I think I realized that there were some things I hadn't gotten over from my past. There were grudges held, pains unhealed, and people unforgiven. Consequently, emotional reconstruction becomes my blueprint, and there is a lot of work to be done.
So without being dramatic or overly descriptive, the most damaging event in my life this far has been my divorce. Divorce is such an unexpected, horrible, painful thing for anyone to experience, and I empathize with anyone who has had the misfortune of it. But wow, that gets depressing fast so ... I read a quote this morning shared by a Photographer out of Salt Lake City, named Dave Brewer; "May the bridges that have been burned light the way." I found the quote really insightful... There are so many things you can't undo or go back on, but it seems we tend to dwell on those things to the point of letting them hold us back when we really should let those things be a lesson learned in moving a better direction.
Entertaining this idea first made me feel very lonely and hopeless. When it comes to things like love, it's hard to believe there is possibility of it again, however I know that is my misconception. I believe it was destiny that led me to a music video that not only entertains this idea, but seems like something that could have been written by my soul during the hardest point of my divorce... however, it was written by Mike Skinner of British Rap group The Streets. This man is a poet, and I feel that some of his emotions and experiences mirror mine. As wussy as it might sound, I cried for hours after I heard this song but I grew greatly from it's message and I still get an amazing emotional relief even when I see this still.
Besides making me really want a dog, the video alone, without the music, helped me realize there is an great amount of growth to be made during these lonely stages of life. I've seen this firsthand during the times when I'm riding my bike, on a walk, or even lying awake in bed. I think I've realized how important it is to think about your trials and how they have effected you, and then to grow from them and move on, instead of just ignoring them or becoming preoccupied. So that's where I am, and my new goal is to search for the inspiration more regularly, rather than being too busy for it. How hypocritical could I be to my Blog title "Living with Eyes" if I didn't alter my behavior? So cross your fingers for more posts to come... and I know I don't have a lot of readers, which is nice, but know that those of you who are all a great support and inspiration to me. I love, appreciate, and look up to all of you and your concern and love mean the world to me. Thank you.
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