Living With Eyes (A New Chapter of Life)

This is crazy... I never really imagined myself blogging. And as I am typing the first few words of this blog, I'm realizing I have no idea what a blog is supposed to be, or why I am doing it. I think it has to do something with reminding myself and understanding the type of life I want to live (an idea that I have been obsessed with over the past year or so). So this blog is for me... and maybe eventually a few close friends. I guess we'll see how the blog, itself, develops and evolves. I have a feeling my entries here may start out a bit too personal but I hope to work into something a bit more traditional for this type of thing.

To start out, I suppose I should give an explanation of who I think I am, so I can get a good idea of who I want to be. Just to preface, I am normally an extremely private, candid person... I often view sharing personal feelings as unprofessional and potentially harmful to my reputation. I guess I am hoping that this can still be personal and public at the same time for now. I don't know what that means... it just feels right to be able to communicate my feelings to a small computerized community of people I trust.

I am in a huge transitional stage of my life... highly confused, scared, questioning everything, redefining happiness every day. Although I mostly feel happy and satisfied with my direction, life events over the past ten months have thrown my emotions into an ever-changing state. A recent divorce, of which I will spare the details, has been the hardest event of my life this far. It really has made me question everything from my own personal worth, to the integrity and value of the human race, to my innermost beliefs. It has felt good let go of something that had no grasp on me.

I am a passionate person. If there is one thing I know about myself, it is that. The things I feel, I feel DEEPLY. I wish it weren't true with some things, but I love that it is with others. Some of the deeper things that I value include: spirituality, relationships, being a good person, simplicity, and contentment. I also strongly value art & design, music, fashion, nature, and health.

ABOVE ALL: I WISH TO LIVE A BEAUTIFUL LIFE. A SIMPLE LIFE, FILLED WITH SIMPLE BEAUTY, TRANQUILITY, AND LOVE... hence, the name of this blog "Living with Eyes".

I suppose I could have named this blog "Living With Eyes That See" because I just hope to understand what life is all about. I have heard the religious explanations, and I love and appreciate them. But I mean, for me personally... I want to understand how to have the most enjoyable, peaceful life experience and positively effect those around me. I don't want to just live. I want to live with purpose, meaning, and with a undying desire to keep living everyday of life with an excitement for each new hour and the opportunity it brings. I guess I am creating this blog in hopes to create a dream board of what beauty is to me, so that I can incorporate as much of it into my life as possible. So much of my enjoyment in life comes from my five senses, and I don't want to deprive any of them... but in particular, I want to spoil my eyes. For me that means seeing sunrises and sunsets, the tallest mountains, the greenest trees, the face of a loved one I have positively impacted, seeing an artist passionately recreate something in their heart in physical form... really I just wish to magnify all of those small glimpses I have had of perfect moments throughout my life. There is something about being a child and the feelings I remember from my youngest years, that I wish to reinvent in my adult self. I have a confidence that tells me I can do it... but I guess only time will tell.

I am passionately fulfilled in my trade as a hairdresser. I am in love with my role as an active musician/singer for a band with some of my closest friends. I feel extremely fortunate to have the life I have, but I feel that I have an infinite amount to learn about living a truly beautiful life. I have high hopes for the year of 2012. I feel like it is going to be an amazing year. I get excited for everything it will bring, and I am excited to, hopefully, commit to documenting some of it through this blog.

So here is the hard part for me: WINTER in REXBURG, ID. This place is actually pretty amazing in the summer, but in these cold months of February, I miss my old friend some like to call "The Sun." I don't know if I can legitimately call it "Seasonal Depression", but this time of year gets pretty discouraging for me. So here is the dilemma... I hate the cold (I literally sprint into and out of my car) but I love the outdoors. As much as I love my job, my friends, and my situation in this little town, I just hate these cold, dark months. It is obviously worth it, as I am still here, but I hope that my current path leads me to somewhere with at least 10 months of pretty steady warmth. Oh, how I miss riding my bike and listening to Fleet Foxes, Local Natives, Toro Y Moi, or Seabear... the thought of it kills me. Nothing can replace how peaceful that can be. I don't know why I am so attracted to something so simple, but I totally am. So I awake everyday with high hopes for sunshine and warm temperatures, but I think it's mostly in vain until April.

So, I am taking a random trip to SLC this weekend with some of my best friends, Talmage, Josh Peterson, and Alexa. Just to hang out, relax, visit IKEA, and maybe do some mild shopping. And then Monday I am off to Vegas for Caper ( A Paul Mitchell Event celebrating the industry). It'll be the third time I have visited Las Vegas in the past eight months with some sort of hair industry related agenda in mind. I am excited to say the least. Even just a break from this weather is enough to get me excited, but this event is huge and filled with positive energy so it'll most definitely be a good start to my new commitment to live with eyes that see. I am hoping some of what my eyes see can become a huge part of what drives this blog, because I am personally a bigger fan of pictures than of paragraphs of depressing drama (Although, you might seriously question that at this point in this post).
Here's to the new life I begin living this dark February night, alone in this borrowed bedroom. It begins to feel more beautiful the closer I get to hitting the "Publish" button below. I guess this is where I start... here we go.